Roman Emperors: Totalus Rankium

112 Constantine VI

Today we go back over the reign of Irene, but this time through the eyes (excuse the pun) of her unfortunate son, Constantine. Was he as useless as he looked (sorry) last episode? Or will we see him (too soon?) in a new light? Find out!

111 Irene

Our first female emperor is finally here! And it only took 110 men and 800 years to get here! So how will Irene shape up? It's tough breaking the mould, and unfortunately for her, there are a lot of people standing around worried about her lack of 'advantage'. Will she be able to overcome this? or will the rift with her son end is disaster? 

110 Leo IV

Poo-face is dead, now his young son must take over and (cough cough) take up the mantle (cough). He will need determination and courage to tackle (cough cough) the issues of the (cough hack hack) day. Find out how he does! (Is... Is that blood? Oh. Oh dear.)

Also, this week we recommend https://pontifacts.podbean.com for all your popey goodness. Check them out!

109 Constantine V The Dung Named

Constantine Pooface. The fifth of that name (actually sixth, but shhh). He started life pooing in the alter of the Hagia Sophia and then went on to rule the empire for decades. Unfortunately for him, he ruled during a time of few sources, and those that remain hated him. But what was he really like? We have no idea. but we can always speculate! 

108 Artabasdos

Surprise! It's a short episode about Artabasdos. We were not sure if he deserved an episode, but he got one. Now we are less sure he deserved an episode... oh well...

107 Leo III

At last the 20 years anarchy draws to an end, but only because one man was able to grab the reins and reign well for a couple of decades (in the the rain?) Find out how Leo did this, but also what he did to rip the very stability he produced apart. Oh, and there is rumour of Poo Pie. 

106 Theodosius III

Welcome to the wonderful reign of Theodosius III. The man who led the Opsikians to revolt. Ok, no one actually asked if he wanted to. And now he is emperor, no one is stopping to ask him what he wants. In fact, the only thing anyone is asking seems to be: "Did you hear? Leo is on the way..."

105 Anastasius II

The penultimate emperor in the 20 years anarchy and we have... wait for it... Anastasius II! Did he leave a mark on history? Not really. But did he hire Papa John to lead his troops to war? Yes, yes he did!

104 Philipikos

Another of the emperors in the 20 Years Anarchy. Let's see if tis one is better that the others... he's not. Oh well, maybe he has some fun stories at least.

103 Tiberius III

Ok, so Leontius was not up to much, but surely Tiberius III will do something, anything, of note while Justinian No-Nose was on his little holiday? Anything at all? Anything?

102 Leontios

We already know Leontios' fate, but do we know his full story? No. Will we find out in this episode? No. but we will do our best squeezing out as much detail as we can from the scant sources! 

101 Justinian II No Nose

Justinian No Nose - The emperor who lost his nose. Want to know how? And also find out all the other things he got up to in his action-packed life? Give this week's episode a listen! Just bear in mind, if you already know the story, Jamie has no idea what's coming...

100 Constantine IV

Constantine IV was young when his father went away, he perhaps did not want to rule, but perhaps stay in his room not being disturbed. But then his father died and all of a sudden he is in charge - his brothers are plotting, the Caliphate is on the war-path and his generals are revolting. And all he has is a eunuch called Andrew. How will he survive? Find out in this week's episode! 

99 Constans II

The second Constans (Actually called Heraclius, but - Roman names hey?) We already know that he had a great beard, but what else do we know about the man? He saw his grandfather and father die within half a year and then he was thrust upon the throne during a time when the empire was falling apart. And he was a child (but still with the beard). let's see how he does...

98 Heraklonas

Part two of this week's double bill, the brother of Constantine IIIb! Ok, his brother did not last long, but maybe this one will - what's that? you've already seen the length of the episode? So i'm not fooling anyone? oh well... here is a short episode on how rubish Heraklonas was.

97 Constantine IIIb

It's going to (cough) be hard to follow such an (cough cough) emperor such as Heraclius (cough). But perhaps (cough splutter splutter cough) his eldest son, Constantine IIIb (hack hack splutter cough) has what it takes (hack hack hack cough splutter gasp gasp      gasp    cough   uugghh). If only he could shake this (cough). 

96 Heraclius

We come to another big name in the history of Rome, and we get another extra long episode. Why does Heraclius deserve a longer episode? Well… We have giants on bridges! Sieges! The rise of a world religion plus the fall of a mighty empire! War! Plots! Schemes! A naked horse ride! This episode has it all.

95 Phocas

Phocas takes the city, and therefore the Empire. Admittedly, he has a scar down his face, and a pointy beard... but we should not judge people on their looks, this does not mean he is a bad man. The burning of people in the market-place however, that could indicate that he is a less than pleasant person... oh dear. 

94 Maurice

Maurice a une bataille haut de colline à grimper. Il doitcombattre les Perses, les Avars, slaves, et il doit le faire avecseulement une poignée de vieux éléphants dirigées par Jeff etla souris du Conseil du Trésor. A partir de cette terriblesituation, comment vont il sortir du bourbier ?

Google translation:
Mauritius has a high battle of hill climbing. He must fight the Persians, Avars, Slavs, and it must do so with only a handful ofold elephants run by Jeff and the mouse from the Treasury. From this terrible situation, how will he get out of the mess?

93 Tiberius II

So the empire is at war once again with Persia, Italy is being settle y Lombards and the Avars are causing trouble. Oh, and the empror's as mad as box of frogs. But wait! who is this dazzling young man? look at that chin! those eyes! phwooor, I bet he knows how to emperor...