UA-78519838-1 Roman Emperors: Totalus Rankium
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106 Theodosius III

November 17th, 2018

Welcome to the wonderful reign of Theodosius III. The man who led the Opsikians to revolt. Ok, no one actually asked if he wanted to. And now he is emperor, no one is stopping to ask him what he wants. In fact, the only thing anyone is asking seems to be: "Did you hear? Leo is on the way..."


105 Anastasius II

November 17th, 2018

The penultimate emperor in the 20 years anarchy and we have... wait for it... Anastasius II! Did he leave a mark on history? Not really. But did he hire Papa John to lead his troops to war? Yes, yes he did!


104 Philipikos

November 3rd, 2018

Another of the emperors in the 20 Years Anarchy. Let's see if tis one is better that the others... he's not. Oh well, maybe he has some fun stories at least.


103 Tiberius III

October 20th, 2018


Ok, so Leontius was not up to much, but surely Tiberius III will do something, anything, of note while Justinian No-Nose was on his little holiday? Anything at all? Anything?


102 Leontios

October 20th, 2018


We already know Leontios' fate, but do we know his full story? No. Will we find out in this episode? No. but we will do our best squeezing out as much detail as we can from the scant sources! 


101 Justinian II

October 6th, 2018


Justinian No Nose - The emperor who lost his nose. Want to know how? And also find out all the other things he got up to in his action-packed life? Give this week's episode a listen! Just bear in mind, if you already know the story, Jamie has no idea what's coming...


100 Constantine IV

September 22nd, 2018


Constantine IV was young when his father went away, he perhaps did not want to rule, but perhaps stay in his room not being disturbed. But then his father died and all of a sudden he is in charge - his brothers are plotting, the Caliphate is on the war-path and his generals are revolting. And all he has is a eunuch called Andrew. How will he survive? Find out in this week's episode! 


99 Constans II

September 8th, 2018


The second Constans (Actually called Heraclius, but - Roman names hey?) We already know that he had a great beard, but what else do we know about the man? He saw his grandfather and father die within half a year and then he was thrust upon the throne during a time when the empire was falling apart. And he was a child (but still with the beard). let's see how he does...


98 Heraklonas

August 11th, 2018


Part two of this week's double bill, the brother of Constantine IIIb! Ok, his brother did not last long, but maybe this one will - what's that? you've already seen the length of the episode? So i'm not fooling anyone? oh well... here is a short episode on how rubish Heraklonas was.


97 Constantine IIIb

August 11th, 2018


It's going to (cough) be hard to follow such an (cough cough) emperor such as Heraclius (cough). But perhaps (cough splutter splutter cough) his eldest son, Constantine IIIb (hack hack splutter cough) has what it takes (hack hack hack cough splutter gasp gasp      gasp    cough   uugghh). If only he could shake this (cough). 


96 Heraclius

July 28th, 2018


We come to another big name in the history of Rome, and we get another extra long episode. Why does Heraclius deserve a longer episode? Well… We have giants on bridges! Sieges! The rise of a world religion plus the fall of a mighty empire! War! Plots! Schemes! A naked horse ride! This episode has it all.


95 Phocas

July 14th, 2018


Phocas takes the city, and therefore the Empire. Admittedly, he has a scar down his face, and a pointy beard... but we should not judge people on their looks, this does not mean he is a bad man. The burning of people in the market-place however, that could indicate that he is a less than pleasant person... oh dear. 


94 Maurice

June 30th, 2018

Maurice a une bataille haut de colline à grimper. Il doitcombattre les Perses, les Avars, slaves, et il doit le faire avecseulement une poignée de vieux éléphants dirigées par Jeff etla souris du Conseil du Trésor. A partir de cette terriblesituation, comment vont il sortir du bourbier ?

Google translation:
Mauritius has a high battle of hill climbing. He must fight the Persians, Avars, Slavs, and it must do so with only a handful ofold elephants run by Jeff and the mouse from the Treasury. From this terrible situation, how will he get out of the mess?


93 Tiberius II

June 2nd, 2018


So the empire is at war once again with Persia, Italy is being settle y Lombards and the Avars are causing trouble. Oh, and the empror's as mad as box of frogs. But wait! who is this dazzling young man? look at that chin! those eyes! phwooor, I bet he knows how to emperor...


92 Justin II

May 19th, 2018


Justin II has a lot to follow. But he has a clear plan. No more pandering to those horrible barbarians. It is time the Romans take back control! It is time to... to... what was that? was that a Bogle!? Aaarrghhh! hide! Moo! CAW CAW CAW! bibble bibble. Quick someone bar the windows! The emperor has escaped again! 


91 Justinian

May 5th, 2018


And so we arrive at Justinian - by far the most famous emperor of the East bar perhaps Constantine the Great. But is that fame justified? Strap yourself in for this extra long episode including battles, Vandals, Goths, Persians, the plague, riots, mega churches, massacres, law codes and a bullied Pope!


90 Justin

April 7th, 2018


Justin is often overlooked by his more flashy nephew, but when you actually look into it, you will - oh look! Justinian is coming!


89 Anastasius

March 24th, 2018


A boy was born with two different coloured eyes so everyone called him a rude name. Then some stuff happened and he became Emperor. There are the Isuarians, the Demes and the Orthodox church out for his blood, plus Bulgars and Persians. And he is getting on in years. How can Anastasius possibly succeed? Find out in this week's episode of Totalus Rankium! 

Featuring Drunk Monks!


88 Zeno

March 10th, 2018


It's not often a father succeeds his son - Zeno has the mighty job of ruling the East as the West crumbles and literally everyone he knows turns against him. It's not going too bad - he just needs to avoid those pesky men up their pillars. 


87 Leo II

March 3rd, 2018


Surprise mini episode! Yes, we are going to a fortnightly release schedule. But Leo II is so pathetic he doesn't really count. Find out exactly why he was so useless in this episode that only exists because the intro clearly states 'Ranking ALL the emperors...'


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