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33 Gordian III

December 3rd, 2016


Gordian III, The Return of the Gordians. Can this young boy of an emperor live up to the glories of Gordian I and II? It's a lot of resposibility: he would have to, for starters, last longer than three weeks; go onto not dying in his first battle or killing himself in his wardrobe. Also: Find out how a furious man named Tim saved the empire for the guitar wielding king of kings, Sharpur.

32 Pupienus

November 26th, 2016


Pupienus. He has a silly name, a long beard and a plan to defeat the mighty Thrax. But will that he enough for the harsh eyes of history to rank him as one of the best? Find out in this episode of Totalus Rankium!

31 Balbinus

November 26th, 2016


The Gordians are dead! Who will stand up to the might of the giant Thrax? Well, not Balbinus, but he'll look after Rome as others go off to stand up to Thrax. Find out how much the citizens of Rome loved his rule... well, those that really, really enjoy an outdoor BBQ anyway.

30 Gordian II

November 19th, 2016


30_Gordian_II.jpgGordian II. The Gordians Strike Back. And die. Horribly. Not much can be said about Gordian II apart from the fact that he is the shortest riegning emperor. He also liked to read, often to all those young ladies that were hanging around all the time... Find out how his ragtag band of merry men faired agaisnt the might of the Empire. 

29 Gordian I

November 19th, 2016


Here we are at last! The Mighty Gordian I. The name that resonates around the world. He was the ruler of Rome for longer than you have been reading this synopsis and changed the course of, if not history, then at least his own life. Battles were fought, revolts led and blood shed (not that he was there). If you dont know about Gordian I, it's time you found out!

28 Maximinus Thrax

November 12th, 2016


One day, a lonely boy was born with massive hands. And massive feet. And a massive head. And... well, you get the point. When the emperor passed through this boys village, little did he know that he was about to start the adventure of a lifetime! Rome's first peasent, giant emperor! His enemies would quake and his friends, well, they would quake too. It's time to show Johnny Allimanni a taste of Roman Steel! (as long as we can get through this damn swamp...)


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